If I may speak freely, Mr. President!
We cannot.. we must not have..a "Toilet Paper Gap"!
" Gentlemen, The problems is easily solved.
We can create a Federal Emergency Toilet Paper Reserve, buried miles underground in one of our deserted mine shafts. Of course..the toilet paper will have to be of a very superior standard to stand up to erosion under such harsh conditions. Testing can take place on Halloween when the toilet papering of public facilities is not frowned upon.."
"Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one .45 caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing: antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair a nylon stockings.
One large roll Toilet paper. One medium role toilet paper..One small roll toilet paper..
Shoot, a fellah could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."