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Author Topic: And now for a little humor.  (Read 125286 times)

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SAS~GJE52

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #912 on: February 13, 2020, 07:21:37 AM »

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Center.

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.


"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.


"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude.


He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting


"Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch"


The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.


The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.


A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.


They were hypnotized. And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!


The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact"



"SHIT" said Claude in a very loud voice.



It took them three days to clean up the Senior Citizens' Center, Claude the Hypnotist was never invited back again.



G;
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"The darkest places in Hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis"  The Divine Comedy. Dante Alighieri 1265-1321

Mission_bug

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #913 on: February 13, 2020, 11:26:18 AM »

Awesome, you made my day Glynn, I needed a laugh. ;)


Wishing you all the very best, Pete. ;D
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<Gunny>

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #914 on: February 28, 2020, 11:55:39 PM »

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anitek

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #915 on: March 16, 2020, 09:22:20 AM »

If I may speak freely, Mr. President!
We cannot.. we must not have..a "Toilet Paper Gap"!




 " Gentlemen, The problems is easily solved.
We can create a Federal Emergency Toilet Paper Reserve, buried miles underground in one of our deserted mine shafts. Of course..the toilet paper will have to be of a very superior standard to stand up to erosion under such harsh conditions. Testing can take place on Halloween when the toilet papering of public facilities is not frowned upon.."




"Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one .45 caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing: antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair a nylon stockings.
One large roll Toilet paper. One medium role toilet paper..One small roll toilet paper..
Shoot, a fellah could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."


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Jimbo947

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #916 on: March 19, 2020, 01:42:34 PM »

Some Dark Humour for Dark Times





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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #917 on: March 20, 2020, 06:41:37 AM »


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While love lives, while suns set, while snowmoons rise in november skies, while ties bind, while souls cry, while oceans ride in an endless tide, while love grows, while blood flows, while truth is real you need never feel alone.
In loving memory of times when I cared.

Jimbo947

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #918 on: March 21, 2020, 03:09:55 AM »

What chance do us mere Mortals have????


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Werner Mölders JG 51

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #919 on: March 27, 2020, 12:10:15 PM »

Don't despair my friends...  ;D

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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #920 on: March 27, 2020, 12:17:54 PM »


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While love lives, while suns set, while snowmoons rise in november skies, while ties bind, while souls cry, while oceans ride in an endless tide, while love grows, while blood flows, while truth is real you need never feel alone.
In loving memory of times when I cared.

vpmedia

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #921 on: March 29, 2020, 02:24:50 PM »

SAS~GJE52

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #922 on: March 29, 2020, 04:45:29 PM »



....... or better still ...... just give them a hug .......


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"The darkest places in Hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis"  The Divine Comedy. Dante Alighieri 1265-1321

SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #923 on: March 30, 2020, 02:12:33 AM »


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While love lives, while suns set, while snowmoons rise in november skies, while ties bind, while souls cry, while oceans ride in an endless tide, while love grows, while blood flows, while truth is real you need never feel alone.
In loving memory of times when I cared.
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