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Author Topic: And now for a little humor.  (Read 199550 times)

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Hot_Space

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1032 on: January 04, 2022, 02:27:03 PM »

Stolen from a friend. 😂😂

Thoughts for 2022:

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
13. I run like the winded.
14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1033 on: January 04, 2022, 11:23:22 PM »

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You live, you learn, you love, you're dead.

Alfie Noakes

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1034 on: January 10, 2022, 04:18:33 AM »

IS IT A BIRD ?   o_O

IS IT A PLANE ?    :o

WHAT'S THAT STRANGE BUZZING SOUND ?    ::)

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Everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds

larschance

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1035 on: January 19, 2022, 03:00:49 AM »

What do you call toast in a zoo?

Bread in captivity
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larschance

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1036 on: January 19, 2022, 03:07:20 AM »

A little old lady in a care home decided to have some fun. She went down to the communal lounge wearing nothing but a nightie. She went up to the first man she saw who was reclining in an armchair. She opened her nightie and exclaimed 'Super fanny!' There was no response. So she tried again with the next man in the room. Again no response. She eventually worked her way around every man in the lounge and was about to give up when she spotted one man in the corner reading a newspaper. She thought 'here goes nothing' and walked up to to him and threw open the nightie and cried out 'super fanny!'. The man looked up from his paper and after a second of thought told her 'I'll have the soup please'.
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Knochenlutscher

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1037 on: February 09, 2022, 05:34:01 AM »

Armchairs and Generals
That's my daily struggle, spent hard earned money in my comfortzone.
Than comes a furry Fella and your dreams are gone. Tricke relegates me into place.  :-[
I'm happy she didn't mine and barbwire things up. There she is on alert, staying put and ready for
some authority observations, when the cantina opens or hell breaks loose.

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Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words? Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

printenduevel

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1038 on: February 12, 2022, 11:56:13 AM »



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larschance

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1039 on: February 16, 2022, 11:23:05 AM »

 While looking to test new fuels my friend made his car run on parsley. He now intends to make the trains run on thyme.
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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1040 on: March 06, 2022, 03:05:22 AM »

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larschance

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1041 on: March 22, 2022, 01:11:06 PM »

A old joke that still makes me smile.

What did the drummer name his two daughters?

Anna One, Anna two.
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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1042 on: April 11, 2022, 11:52:06 PM »

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SAS~GJE52

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #1043 on: April 22, 2022, 06:43:03 AM »




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