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Author Topic: And now for a little humor.  (Read 101226 times)

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bomberkiller

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #828 on: December 28, 2018, 07:14:47 AM »

:))
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<Gunny>

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #829 on: January 25, 2019, 03:39:16 PM »

Now for some laugh time ......

Quote
   
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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #830 on: January 31, 2019, 07:09:44 AM »

This might be an old one for some of you, but still... worth being shared me thinks:

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her. "Before you get settled in" he said, "We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you."

"Oh, I see," said the woman, "can’t you just let me in?"

"Well, I’d like to," said St Peter, "But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity."

"Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven", said the woman. "Sorry, we have rules…" at which St. Peter put the HR manager into the downward bound elevator.



As the doors opened in Hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends, past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times.

They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing.

Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. "Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven," he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing; which was almost as enjoyable as her day in Hell. At the day’s end St. Peter returned. "So," he said, "You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven". "You must choose between the two."

The woman thought for a second and replied: "Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose Hell."

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

"I don’t understand," stuttered the HR manager, "The other day I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff."

]cheers[
Mike
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Stainless

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #831 on: January 31, 2019, 08:58:24 AM »

Following the theme ....

An engineer dies and stands before the pearly gates, St. Peter smiled at him then looked at an iPad in his hands.  His expression changed and with a sad look in his eye he turned to the engineer and said "I am very sorry, but I'm afraid you didn't make it."

With a flash the engineer found himself in the depths of hell.

Thinking hell was too hot, he looked around for materials and soon had improvised an air conditioning system that was powered by the heat of hell and reduced the temperature to a comfortable 25 degrees.
Pleased with himself he then got stuck in and jury rigged a satellite receiver and gave free TV to all of hell.
Within the next few weeks he managed to get hell broadband, cable TV, running hot and cold water, a Starbucks, McDonalds, KFC, and was working on negotiating a deal with Dominos pizza.

About the same time God phoned up the devil to see how he was doing. He was very surprised to hear how well things were going in hell and demanded to know how all these changes came about.

The devil laughed and said "it was that engineer you sent us"

God was most displeased and yelled "how did you get an engineer? you know you are not allowed them. send him back immediately"

The devil laughed again and said "no way. he's mine now and what do you think you can do about it"

God was furious and demanded "return him to me at once or I will sue"

This finished the devil off completely. Rolling about on the floor laughing he said...

"Sue! And just where do you think you will get a lawyer"
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Alfie Noakes

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #832 on: February 01, 2019, 12:59:04 AM »



" It's more oscillatory than I expected"

 :))

Cheers

Alfie
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Stainless

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #833 on: February 06, 2019, 01:04:18 AM »

What is the most TERRIFYING thing you can see in the morning?



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SAS~Storebror

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #834 on: February 06, 2019, 05:44:49 AM »

So true. Especially when you're operating Windows Servers.
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LameHawk

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #835 on: February 10, 2019, 08:15:19 AM »

Never again Discount Airlines

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greybeard

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Speaking of birds...
« Reply #836 on: February 17, 2019, 02:29:58 AM »

The inconsolable American owner of a parrot vanished from her aviary in New York has promised $ 10,000 in reward to those who will bring him back safe and sound. The bird, the woman explained, has only one particular sign, but more than enough, according to her, to recognize him: he speaks with a strong accent of Brooklyn.


[Image for the sole representative purpose of the species - source: Wikipedia]
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[FAC]Ghost129er

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #837 on: February 21, 2019, 02:59:49 AM »

In the Headlines:
Bored Pilot Writes 'I'm Bored' and Draws Two Dicks in the Sky



A pilot based in Adelaide, Australia, took an artistically inspired flight path on Tuesday morning.

Australia’s ABC News reported that between 8:53am and 11:57am a flight training pilot in a Diamond Star plane followed a course that drew two penises then spelled out “I’M BORED”—all of which could only be detected by a flight tracker.

The flight tracking company FlightAware shared an image of the tracked flight with Gizmodo, which is also available on its website. “It is fairly common for pilots to get creative and trace words or other images in the sky while they fly,” a FlightAware spokesperson told Gizmodo when we asked if crude images drawn out by pilots is rare.

The spokesperson did not directly comment about the suggestive nature of the image they originally provided and instead referenced proposals, birthday messages, and a Texas Longhorn that appeared in their system after a heated University of Texas football game.

Read more here

P.S. kinda shit I'd do in real life. :))
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tacheles07

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #838 on: February 21, 2019, 10:26:30 AM »




Supposedly an IL-78 from behind...

Greetings,
tacheles07
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bomberkiller

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Re: And now for a little humor.
« Reply #839 on: February 21, 2019, 10:49:37 AM »

Bad bird  :D
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